Before you all think I’m getting morbid, and losing faith, I’m not, don’t worry! But I saw this picture, which is embedded in my Facebook blog page, and thought about the amazing song, many years ago now, by Mike & the Mechanics, ‘The Living Years’. It was one of the greatest rock songs for me, yet also one of the saddest: Last verse.. ‘I wasn’t there that morning, when my father passed away, I didn’t get to tell him all the things I had to say, I think I caught his spirit later that same year, I’m sure I heard his echo in my babies new-born tears, I just wish I could have told him in the living years’. Sad, sad, words. So much regret, and its too late.
One of the things God’s done with me over the last 30-35 years, is smash down my British (Australian? Western? reserve: and, to be honest, I don’t care about what people think about the fact that I say to blokes I love, ‘I love you’. I’ve said it to some who, sadly, didn’t love back (users of what I might be able to do for them until I became no use to them anymore). Church – TELL PEOPLE YOU LOVE THEM. I NEED people to tell ME that they love me, not because I’m insecure, but there’s something amazing about expressing love – and Jesus talked about it a fair bit!
A few days ago, I mentioned my dad, dying 48 years ago, when I was 12. I SO, SO loved my dad. But I was a kid, and NOW, with me 60, and him 87 if he was still with us, I’d still want to talk to him, about life, love, bombing in the war, loving his kids…learning from his wisdom. I said ‘goodbye’ to him that day in September ’65, on my way to school, NEVER DREAMING I’d never speak to him again, until eternity. I love my kids passionately, but those who know my story know that that connection was broken many years ago, and they don’t speak to me or any of my side of the family. I’m praying for them, loving them…. don’t want to get to the living years END…without…..
Early last year, my lovely, lovely mate – best friend and Ruddles Country imbiber! – Martin Collins, was diagnosed with polyps in his bowel. Polyps they looked like, but they weren’t. They were far more venomous than polyps. So from seeming ‘ok’ in February, he went from being ok, to being with Jesus in January this year, only 58 years old. I miss Martin more than I can tell you. But I did go see him and his lovely wife Jan, and their lovely daughters Lucy & Jo, a fair bit in the year, and told him (and them), almost to the end, that I loved him. My mum was overnight hit with vascular dementia – instant and total memory loss, about 8 years ago. I was in Colombia when it happened. Came home early, collapsed in Gatwick Airport, with a blood pressure of 240/140: I should have been dead!
Mum lived almost as far ‘down’ as you can go in West Cornwall: when she became ill, even though she didn’t know me for those 5 years, AND I was 20+% of my time in the USA then, and about 50% more all over the world, I committed to coming to England to see her every 6 weeks, just holding her hand and telling her what she meant to me. I’m so glad I did, even if it was knackering…!
And… 18 days time, when I go to Downe Hospital, Downpatrick, for my first-ever video shoot (well, actually, it’s a colonoscopy, as I’m pre-diagnosed with possible bowel cancer – at least the lady at the screening unit today roared with laughter when I told her I was booked in 11 June for a video shoot!). Trouble is, you’re supposed to take the wonderful clear-out drink between 7 & 9 in the evening, and 6 in the morning. The early evening slot is so that you can get some sleep, as it’s pretty explosive and rather frequent… 🙂 – then you do it all again at 6am….
Hmm… I’m at the Odyssey in Belfast until about 11pm on 10th. Set in stone, that one, too. Probably the last ever live concert with The Who, I last saw them, in Eastbourne, I think, in 1966!!! So I think I’m in for a short, exciting, explosive night, with a couple of hours before the next short explosive episode….I want to watch the camera go round on the screen, though, even if I’m not over-the-moon at …er…. watching it’s initial grand arrival!
Please…. don’t wait til it’s too late… to put things right. I like ‘short accounts’ with people whom I love, care for, telling them what they mean to me. I even tell my Aussie mate Robert I love him – and he’s a genuine Aussie Alpha male!
Hey, this isn’t MORBID – it’s LIFE – IT’S REALITY – IT’S TRUTH -IT’S VITAL!!!